Q:What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A:A high school math problem!
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A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.
Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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My math teacher called me average...
How mean!
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what one came first.
Q. What mode do you use in maths?
A. Multi-plyers.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
Q: Do you know why infinity goes on forever?
A: Because it knows Chuck Norris is waiting for it at the end.
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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost.
So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"
"Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians"
"Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?"
"I am! But how did you know?"
"Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!"
"Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?"
"Geeze! How'd you know that?"
"You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
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