"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
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If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried.
The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
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Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?
A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Chuck Norris bunked school one day.
Till today that day is known as Sunday.
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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.
Son: No father I'll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: Who started?
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.”
He then reached into his pocket and pulled out
a chicken sandwich.
He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny.
I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.