Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes.....he just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
Chuck Norris doesnt' walk away from explosions, explosions walk away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris does not skip stones... he skips sheets of drywall.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
Thomas Edson made a shadow on a paper that Chuck Norris was reading, then Thomas Edson decided to create the electric light.
Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.
Once, Chuck Norris told Nike to "just do it..." and it did.