Chuck Norris never bathes.
Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
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Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
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When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive.
The zombies do.
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There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse.
No mortal man has ever earned it.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies dead.
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Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed.
Some get away.
They are called astronauts.
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Chuck Norris once won a rap battle against Eminem.
He just kept saying "Chuck Norris" in a raplike-fashion.
The crowds' heads exploded from amazement.
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
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Do you know Chuck Norris?
Yes?
Then he shall allow you to live... for now.
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Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
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