Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex.
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Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Mother Teaches Her Child To Go To The Bathroom
Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers:
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly.
She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and
heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.
She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club.
Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’
Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’
‘Good heavens,’ says Harry.
‘That’s a very long time ago.’
‘Not reall
Condoms are not completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.
The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me."
"Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man.
"No way, you're disgusting, go away."
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.
The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?"
The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote:
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men?
It changes their blood type.
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?
They both got fired.