Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex.
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A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water."
She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!"
He replied, "Thank God!"
You work at a corner store and a hot girl walks in.
You ask for her number and she gives you a piece of paper with her phone number and address.
She tells you to take her out today.
She leaves and you tell your boss that you're going to f*uck the sh*t out of her and how you're going to rock her world.
You go to her house and your boss is in the kitchen and the girl tells him, big daddy.
You run out as fast as you can.
You go to work the next day and the girl is there waiting for you and tells you that it's over between you two.
Your boss asks you why didn't you go through with it.
You tell him you thought you would be mad and fire me if you knew I was talking about your daughter.
Your boss says I'm not her father in her Plummer.
You ask him why she called him daddy.
He says because that's my first name.
A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money.
The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.
So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
Yes.
Me too?
Of course.
And how much do you think I would cost?
500 francs.
What?! Only 500 francs?!
Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.
Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom?
He wanted to keep the swelling down.
How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid?
When you open her legs, the lights go on.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.