Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A: Full.
As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a p***s. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
"Name?" "Abdul Aziz." "Sex?" "Three to five times a day." "No, no... I mean male or female?" "Yes, male, female, sometimes camel." "Holy cow!" "Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general." "But isn't that hostile?" "Horse style, doggy style, any style!" "Oh dear!" "No, no! Deer run too fast..."
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.