Joke #5779

Researchers once tried to measure Chuck Norris' IQ, but found that numbers don't count that high.

If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.

Note to self: Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.

Chuck Norris: The Game starts directly with the ending video.

Chuck Norris doesn't teach his kicks. They speak for themselves.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris can remember the future.

Q: Why aren't the aliens making contact? A: They are afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.

Bob the Builder asks if we can fix it, Chuck Norris already did.