When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged.
He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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Chuck Norris once separated his powers into five people, they are now called The Avengers.
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Chuck Norris used to date Hurricane Katrina.
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Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings to the police.
They are used as bullet proof vests.
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Chuck Norris's tears can cure every type of cancer, the only problem is he never cried.
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After meeting with Chuck Norris' lawyer the UFC have changed their name from "Ultimate Fighting Championship" to simply "Fighting Championship."
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Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.
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Chuch Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.
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Chuck Norris sank the Titanic on a late afternoon swim.
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When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide.
When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
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