When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged.
He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey.
The country there now is only an impostor.
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Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Chuck Norris dosn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.
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When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears.
There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
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Some people have alter egos.
Chuck Norris has no such thing.
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Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
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Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
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All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
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Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris?
A: Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
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