Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated. But there is no cure for stupidity...
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?" The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must of shot the bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
Yesterday I tried to catch fog. Mist.
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.
There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''