I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d.
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?"
"I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!"
"Help me please, please help!"
The judge:
Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association?
The inculpated:
Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
There is a lady laying in bed.
At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.”
His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.”
Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”