I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
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Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested?
A: Charged With Battery.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!"
"There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hip he'll be fine in no time.
My fee, of course, will be $1,500."
Jesse starts to wail - "oh, my dog's going to die!!!"
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Vote:
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.
Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
Vote:
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.