I hear you take milk baths. That's right. Why? I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A: A milk shake.
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit? The first herd shot round the world.
Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball.
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent.
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.