Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.
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Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
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Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
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The cannibals on the island Borneo have caught and after that have grilled one gypsy boy on a turnspit.
They had to turn him really quickly above the burning fire because at a slower speed of rotation he managed to steal the potatoes from the live coal.
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What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.
He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
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A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump.
The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10.
Your parachute will automatically open.
If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord.
When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base.
Move out!"
As scared as they are, they all make it out the door.
The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing.
He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle.
He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand.
Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"
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