Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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"My parachute did not work."
Said no one ever.
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My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend?
A: He wiped his bottom.
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What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.
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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?"
Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
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Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!
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Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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