Joke #5941

During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3." All was good.

Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.

Chuck Norris once went to practice his golf swing at a driving range... his golf balls are now known as stars!

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

Chuck Norris doesnt walk, the earth moves under his feet.

In "ring around the rosie", Chuck Norris does not fall down.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.

Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.