Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
One time Chuck Norris saluted an American flag and it blushed.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Shhhhh... Did you hear that? Chuck did.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The smoothie was invented when Chuck Norris needed information from a banana.
Chuck Norris uses the lethal injection to have a 5min nap.