Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals. Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.
In some countries, criminals have the option of either going to jail or spending a day living with Chuck Norris. No one has ever chosen Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris had never escape from jail. Jail escapes from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can check his pulse by same hand.
Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
Chuck Norris uses battery acid for eye drops.
Nuclear weapons were discovered after a failed attempt to harness the power of Chuck Norris.
Lightning doesn't strike Chuck Norris, chuck norris strikes lightning!
Researchers once tried to measure Chuck Norris' IQ, but found that numbers don't count that high.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00."