Chuck Norris could catch that damn acorn in those ICE AGE movies!
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Willy Wonka gave an everlasting gobstopper to Chuck Norris. The flavor lasted 2.3 seconds.
Chuck Norris watched the entire Lord of the Rings without blinking.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Don King once had straight hair, until that day he saw Chuck Norris' eyes staring him down.
Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
Chuck Norris installed iTunes... in Blackberry!
Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
Chuck Norris can stop the music.