What is grosser than gross? When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
Q: Why did the referee stop the leper hockey game? A: There was a face-off in the corner.
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.
Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. "Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. "Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man. "No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
Q: How do you eat a frog? A: You put one leg behind each ear.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"