Ones the bus was full of people.
A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
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(A) You are not Tom Cruise,
(B) The guns may stop working at the last moment,
(C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you,
(D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf
(E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.
Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals.
The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you."
The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge.
"You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says.
The three men head out in search of their fruit.
The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be.
The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound."
The man reluctantly agrees to try.
He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten.
The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand.
Again the king states the challenge.
The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound.
This is going to be easy he thinks.
He gets through the first 9 without a single sound.
Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter.
He is killed immediately.
The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven.
The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!"
He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
Vote:
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.
Vote: