2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
A man bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to office. On the way he was waiting for the Signal. Suddenly he opened the door and got down. Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, "How much should I pay to turn right?" The Policeman was astonished and asked, "Why are you asking like this?" Then man showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: "Free Left Turn"
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.
Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.