Chuck Norris doesn't always drink beer, but when he does he has the dos equis guy serve it to him in a dress.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he entered a pool bombing competition. This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a stapler, he puts the paper between his fingers and they just stick.
Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready.
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
Chuck Norris pitties Mr. T.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris once shot someone with a knife.
Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.