Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can suck a black hole.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn't make it.
Q: Why are there prairies? A: Because Chuck Norris scared the trees away.
Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
There are no such things as Chuck Norris haters...just people with short lives.