Q: What do you call a cow with no legs. A: Ground Beef!
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay? A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas.
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time