How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
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What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
Why do women make better soldiers?
Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals.
The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you."
The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge.
"You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says.
The three men head out in search of their fruit.
The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be.
The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound."
The man reluctantly agrees to try.
He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten.
The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand.
Again the king states the challenge.
The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound.
This is going to be easy he thinks.
He gets through the first 9 without a single sound.
Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter.
He is killed immediately.
The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven.
The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!"
He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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