How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead?
A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.