Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
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Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."