Joke #6959

There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured. First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger. So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000. The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000. The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls. They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure. "You have no balls" they say. "Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"

How do most men compare to Mel Gibson? They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.

Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache." The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"

Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.