Joke #7594

Chuck Norris was the Best Man at his own wedding.

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night. "I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter. "I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician. "Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise." The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna kill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"

Chuck Norris removes the tag from mattresses, and mails them back to the company.

Chuck Norris's wish isn't your command, Chuck Norris's command is your wish...

I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards". I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.

Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? A: Her wedding cake.

Yo' Mama is so ghetto, her wedding cake was made of cornbread.

Chuck Norris sees dead people...and they run.

Chuck Norris once climbed Mt Everest by accident.