The Universe is not expanding. It's running away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
Chuck Norris can actually describe the taste of purified water.
Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice
Chuck Norris watched the first season of "24" in 5 hours.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
When Chuck Norris works out, he doesn't sweat. His body cries.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris