The Universe is not expanding.
It's running away from Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid he taught his parents to stay away from strangers.
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Chuck Norris can't be in a 3D movie because the entire room would feel his roundhouse kicks.
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When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.
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Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
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Chuck Norris doesn't jump. He moves the ground away from him.
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes.
He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
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Chuck Norris told Wiz Khalifa what it is.
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Guns need a licence to bear Chuck Norris.
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A black hole is created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a sun.
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