I've some bread dough in my pants.
Wanna see if it rises?
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Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
Nobody is born cool. Except of course, dead babies.
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?"
"Bread"
"Yes"
"Hamburger"
"Ok"
A five years girl answered "Light",
"Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?"
"Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable.
I just go up and down.
Vote:
Teacher: How we use the light?
Pupil: To suck it?
Teacher: Why do you say so?
Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"
Who is little, black and jumps?
A flee!
But who’s big, black and jumps?
Dr. Alban!
Me - Can you go to your moms room?
Friend - Yeah, why?
Me - I left my pants in there.
Friend - Fuck you!
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."