Chuck Norris is standing right behind you when you're reading this.
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Nice guys finish last because bad guys run faster from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris's black belt was made in a black hole.
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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job".
That is the story of the universe.
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Chuck Norris once went logging and took down a forest.
Then he came back for his axe.
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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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When Chuck Norris breaks the speed limit, no one can put it back together again.
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Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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Fire trucks and ambulances pull to the shoulder when chuck Norris drives by.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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