Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
What does a man make best for dinner?
Reservations.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.