Joke #9869

What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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has 31.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, relationship
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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has 59.05 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, relationship, sex
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
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has 64.19 % from 363 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, pirate
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
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has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, kids
What do you call fish poop? BassTurds!
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"  The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.  Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
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has 85.48 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?  All the men stood up. 'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'  All the women stood up.  'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn' t belong to them?'  Half the women stood up.  'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'  Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. The priest fainted.
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has 79.73 % from 855 votes. More jokes about: animal, church, priest, sex, time
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.  In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
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has 60.47 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: animal, sex, time