Chuck Norris made Dirty Harry's day.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Chuck Norris never gets dirty. The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor. it reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?" Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!" Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apology he opens the e-mail. It reads, "Want to buy some?"
Chuck Norris went to school so he could be studied.
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!
Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?” Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?” One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?” The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”
Chuck Norris cannot only accelerate beyond the speed of light. He can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.