What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
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Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
What does a squid sheriff form?
An octoposse.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
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How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A harenet.
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight.
He didn't seem disturbed at all.
(Whew! Got away with that one!).
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!