What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud missle.
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Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.
What's green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
What's a rabbits favorite song?
"Hoppy Birthday to You."
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
A tiger moth.
I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund.
It was a sad, funny kind of film.
In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film.
After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said.
"That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."