When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women? A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.