The best jokes about women

What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, women
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, men, women
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a women? A: The pizza can be eaten but the women can't!
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, women
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, women
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
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More jokes about: women
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, women
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women