The best kids jokes

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."
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More jokes about: age, food, kids
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
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More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, teacher, work
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
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More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, party
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
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More jokes about: fat, kids, school, Yo mama
Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.
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More jokes about: black humor, jewish, kids
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, hospital, kids
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
At a poor-side of Athens, a kid were on the street and was playing. A cop who was crossing around that street, saw him and asked him: "What are you doing there kiddo?" "I’m playing..." "What are you playing?" "Oh, well... I collect sand, I pour some water in and I add then some poop and I’m making little weaklings!" "What kind of weaklings?" "Cops..." The cop, furious, slaps the kid and screams: "Get the hell away from here and run to your house! I never wanna see you wondering around here." For the next two days, the kid didn’t show up. The third day, the kid was on the same spot, playing. The cop, saw him again and approached the kid. "What are you doing there?" "I’m playing..." "What?" "Oh, well... I collect sand, then pour some water in and I’m making little weaklings." "Congratulations! enthusiastic said the cop. And what kind of weaklings you’re making there?" "Firefighters...!" "So, how come you’re not putting any poop on them as well?" "Cause, whenever I do, they come out cops...!"
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More jokes about: cop, game, geography, kids
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. CHING CHANG CHONG TING.
Vote: has 56.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, racist