The best kids jokes

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!
Vote: has 57.35 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, gym, kids, sport
One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile. In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
Vote: has 57.35 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, kids, wife
Bob asks his grandmother: "Granny, tell us, how my sister and me came to life?" "Your sister, Bob, came from heaven and a stork has brought you to us." Bob then, turns to his sister and whispers: "Should we tell her the truth, or should we let her die without knowing…"
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, mean, political, ugly, women
Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, teacher, work
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, party
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, kids, wife
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Halloween, husband, kids


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