The best kids jokes

There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says "I hate my country!" And throughs a soup out the window the American says "I hate my country" and throughs a pie out the window. The Russian says "I hate my country!" And throughs a bomb out the window. Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says "what's wrong kid?" The kid says "a soup fell on my mom's head and she burnt to death." "I didn't do that" says the Mexican. The American was walking and saw a kid crying "what's wrong kid?" The kid says "my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn't see!" "I didn't do that" says the American. Then the Russian gets off the plane and saw a kid laughing his head off. The Russian says "what's so funny?" The kid says " daddy farted and the house went BOOM BOOM!"
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has 57.86 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: airplane, black humor, kids, mexican, travel
Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie? They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
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has 57.82 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: kids, priest
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.
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has 57.81 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: football, insulting, kids, sport
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: kids, sex, single, time
Mary's father has 5 daughters, 1. Nana 2. Nono 3. Nini 4. Nene What is the fifth daughters name?
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has 57.66 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, life
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, death, kids, Thanksgiving
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
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has 57.53 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
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has 57.39 % from 308 votes. More jokes about: black people, kids, office
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, wife
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