What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common?
Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson
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A group of children once said, "Red rover, red rover, send Chuck Norris over."
Those children were the dinosaurs.
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What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look I'm changing!
There was a couple wanted to go out for dinner for their anniversary but they didn’t make it with the babysitter so they had nowhere to leave their little boy!
After a lot of talk father came up with an idea!
"We will put a vinyl at the pickup deck, something with kid-stories so our little boy will sleep at once and everything will be fine!"
"Ok," said the wife.
So,that is what they did and went out sure for their plan.
After about 2 hours, they arrived back home and listen noise and the boy screaming:
"I waaaant,i waaaant,i waaaaant…"
They run up to boy’s room and saw the little boy hitting the wall and screaming the same words:
"I waaaant!"
They wonder about what happened and then they listened to the pickup:
"Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story?"
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Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?"
Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun."
God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations."
The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan."
"Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp."
Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?"
"Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Mary's father has 5 daughters,
1. Nana
2. Nono
3. Nini
4. Nene
What is the fifth daughters name?
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal’.
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him ‘Juan’.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, ‘But they are twins.
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.’
Kid threw the butter out the window, he wanted to see a butterfly.