The best kids jokes

Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: catholic, kids, work, Yo mama
A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote: has 56.50 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, marriage, phone, sex, wife
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
Vote: has 56.47 % from 169 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Vote: has 56.22 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
*Me when I turn 18* Parents: Do this. Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, customer service, kids
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, sex, single, women
Yo mama so ugly, they use her picture to scare kids straight.
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, ugly, Yo mama
Yo Momma so ugly she makes blind children cry.
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, ugly, Yo mama
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
Vote: has 56.02 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, racist


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