Chuck Norris was an only child. Eventually.
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I’m here for a urine test."
What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
Yo mama so ugly, they use her picture to scare kids straight.
Yo Momma so ugly she makes blind children cry.
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"