The best kids jokes

*Me when I turn 18* Parents: Do this. Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
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has 49.79 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: kids
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
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has 49.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In a stork?
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, stupid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
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has 49.18 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: game, kids, money, work
What did the mama bear say to her cub? "Don't go out in your bear feet!"
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has 49.12 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: kids
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
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has 49.00 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, celebrity, kids
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
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has 49.00 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: kids, mean, political, ugly, women
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs. When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble". When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
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has 49.00 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex, teacher
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
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has 48.85 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, kids, prison
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
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has 48.41 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: cat, kids, kitty, money
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