Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.
Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him… Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly. He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?" The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"
My kids get along great when they're sleeping.
A kid asks his father: Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed? Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months. One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said. Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time." Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said. Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other organ I have for you is called a vagina. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this organ to give him children." Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."