He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed. My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count." Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
What do we do with crude oil? Teach it some manners!
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)
The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency. To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office: Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000. With all these, you never made a donation to the charity... If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds? No... answers mayor. In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind. The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted: And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans. Stunned, the mayor says: I didn’t know, please accept my apologies... But the lawyer continues: I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...