The best kids jokes

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
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has 27.88 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: kids
What do we do with crude oil? Teach it some manners!
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has 27.74 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: kids
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: kids
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
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has 27.61 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: kids
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be? Out for the count!
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: kids
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You ever cut your grass and found a car. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You own a homemade fur coat. The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction. People hear your car a long time before they see it.
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, drunk, kids, wife
A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding. When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'. The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'. The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'. The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'. He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight. The kid says 'What was that for, sir?' The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish. Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cop, kids
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: kids
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
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