What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
(A bear-faced lyre!)
He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'
What is black and white and red all over?
(A panda bear with a sunburn!)
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
What is a baby?
"A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
Q: How big are the pastro's beds?
A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!