The best jokes about life

Life Lemons Saying: White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends. Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".
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has 77.37 % from 444 votes. More jokes about: life, racist
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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has 77.23 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb, women
At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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has 77.15 % from 321 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: food, life, technology
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: geek, life, math, science
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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has 76.99 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, church, life, time, wife
Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift." Doctor: "Tell her to come in." Romi: "I cannot" Doctor: "Why so?" Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read." The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: life
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: hunting, life, war
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life, ugly
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