The best jokes about life

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
Vote:
has 76.82 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: baby, life, management, work
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: friendship, life
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
Vote:
has 76.73 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, life
Being a man definitely has its perks... 1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a hoot if no one notices your new haircut. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 10. Same work .. more pay. 11. Wrinkles-add character. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 17. One mood, ALL the time. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 27. No maxi-pads. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. 32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. 36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes. 37. The world is your urinal.
Vote:
has 76.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: life, men
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Vote:
has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, marriage, wife
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
Vote:
has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, love, money, wife
Is it true that 5 minutes of laugh prolongs your life by 5 minutes? It depends who you are laughing at – it may as well shorten it...
Vote:
has 76.44 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: life
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Vote:
has 76.35 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life, love, nerd
<<<20212223
More jokes →
Page 20 of 82.