Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
You are so selfish!
You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...?
"It's open."
Vote:
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather.
One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts.
Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him.
Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...