Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives.... "I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.." "Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?" "New York City..."
Q: What's in the wardrobe? A: Narnia business.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" Watson yawns and tries to play the game. LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this now. 2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8. 10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.