The best jokes about life

Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
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has 63.78 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
This couple board this jetliner for a trip to New York. The jetliner gets full of passengers and they are to go but, they notice that there are no attendants or pilots. The door closes and the jetliner starts taxing down the taxiway towards the runway and starts to take off as they are airborne the intercom says: Welcome to flight 1313 non stop to New York as you can see there are no attendants and or pilots this aircraft is totally computerized so sit back and enjoy the flight because there is nothing that can go wrong go wrong go wrong go wrong ...
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: airplane, life
Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist? A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life, political, stupid
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: divorce, doctor, life, relationship
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
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has 63.43 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
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has 63.26 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, game, life
TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
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