Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
No! You don't have "Bad luck". You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court? A: For charges of battery.
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.