The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.
With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
There were two brothers.
One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt.
The bad brother died.
The good brother missed him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven.
Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother.
So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
Vote:
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
Q: The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I?
A: footsteps
If you can't say something nice, say it in French.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter.
He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
"You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss.
"That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.