Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter.
He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
"You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss.
"That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
What do you find in a clean nose?
Fingerprints!
What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry.
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.