The best jokes about life

I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
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has 63.07 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: life
Life is like a box of chocolates: A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
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has 63.06 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: food, life, racist
Knock knock. Who's there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
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has 63.04 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, life, memory
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying." The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life, political
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, old people, women
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, geography, life, technology, work
A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself? The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!" 2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened? I shot myself into my knee.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, medical, time, women
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
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has 62.98 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years. While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed. He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck. Then he gets up and leaves the room. Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you." As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
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