The best jokes about life

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire? Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
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More jokes about: elf, life
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
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More jokes about: insulting, life, stupid
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
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More jokes about: beauty, life
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life. The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
Vote: has 64.54 % from 117 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, game, golf, life
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, men, women
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
We have so many nationalities. It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there. It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ethnic, life
Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
Vote: has 64.23 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: knock-knock, life
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms. I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag? I said No, she's not that ugly. Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex