Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated. But there is no cure for stupidity...
If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
A lady buys some new furniture at Ikea. She reads the instuctions and builds the wardrobe. As soon as it"s built she a bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces. The lady tries again and 5 minutes later another bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces. The lady is furious and calls Ikea. Ikea tell her that they will send a worker to build it. When the worker arrives he builds the wardrobe and says: "Ok, I"m going to my next client." To which the lady says: "NO! Wait! You"ll see, as soon as a bus comes by it will dismantle itself..." The man agrees to stay to wait for the bus. After a while the man says that he better get in the wardrobe to see where the problem is when the bus passes by, to which the lady agrees. 10 minutes later the husband arrives and say"s: "Ahh lovely honey you bought us a new wardrobe..." He opens it up and say"s: "SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" To which the worker replies: "I"m waiting for the bus!"
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.