The best jokes about life

Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, old people, women
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, geography, life, technology, work
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
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has 62.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: cop, heaven, life
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, life, racist
Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
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has 62.66 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, life
Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated. But there is no cure for stupidity...
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life
If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life
A lady buys some new furniture at Ikea. She reads the instuctions and builds the wardrobe. As soon as it"s built she a bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces. The lady tries again and 5 minutes later another bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces. The lady is furious and calls Ikea. Ikea tell her that they will send a worker to build it. When the worker arrives he builds the wardrobe and says: "Ok, I"m going to my next client." To which the lady says: "NO! Wait! You"ll see, as soon as a bus comes by it will dismantle itself..." The man agrees to stay to wait for the bus. After a while the man says that he better get in the wardrobe to see where the problem is when the bus passes by, to which the lady agrees. 10 minutes later the husband arrives and say"s: "Ahh lovely honey you bought us a new wardrobe..." He opens it up and say"s: "SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" To which the worker replies: "I"m waiting for the bus!"
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life
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