Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried.
The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Vote:
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
A: What does "IDK" mean?
B: I don't know.
A: Ugh! Nobody does!
No!
You don't have "Bad luck".
You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop.
Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk.
The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop."
The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?"
The little boy again said, "No Bishop."
The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?"
The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor."
Doctor: "Are you thirsty?"
Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy."
I tell him I want a second opinion.
He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
Q:Why is a doctor always calm.
A: Because it has a lot of patients.