The best jokes about life

Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, god, life
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, life, work
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: insulting, life, stupid
Q: Why is marriage not a word? A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, life, racist
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: She will "let it go let it go".
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life, music
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 60.88 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: food, life, money, political
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
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has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: doctor, hospital, life, tax
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you loose your car keys, click on find. "Help" with the chores is just a click away. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
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has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, IT, life
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