This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession.
The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?"
The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors."
The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure."
The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"
No.
The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"
No.
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
What do you call it when Miley Cyrus falls down?
Hoe-Down.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
Vote:
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot.
Everyone can catch cold.
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"