The best jokes about life

Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, life
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, life, time
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Vote: has 64.09 % from 103 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, life, mexican
Programming is like sex One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote: has 63.93 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, programmer, sex
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Vote: has 63.79 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, political, religious
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail. The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail. The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail. So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, bible, life


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