The best jokes about life

T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
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Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
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The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life. There can be only one.
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How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire? Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
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John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke." Michael: "Get money from your job." John: "I got fired." Michael: "Why?" John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside." Michael: "This is why we are friends."
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Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist? A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
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Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
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What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry Ive got you covered!
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Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, food, life