One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
What do you call it when Miley Cyrus falls down?
Hoe-Down.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
Vote:
Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot.
Everyone can catch cold.
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like...
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?