About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
Jenna, Jessica and ariana die. They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud". The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy. Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy. Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall. Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?" The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
One day a black white and Asian got arrested but the cop said if u can say green pink and yellow in a sentence, then u won't go to jail. The black didn't know what to say so he went to jail. The white said "well white guys are pink....." but the cop said wrong order so he went to jail. So the Asian guy said "well the phone go Green green so i pink up the phone and say yellow"
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
Knock knock. Who's there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-