The best jokes about life

A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself? The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!" 2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened? I shot myself into my knee.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, medical, time, women
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" God responds, "You are what you are" The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question. One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes" The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
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has 59.89 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, racist
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
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has 59.89 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: beauty, bible, life
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.
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has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: beer, fart, husband, life, wife
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
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has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: doctor, hospital, life, tax
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: funeral, life
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