The best jokes about life

We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life, time
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants. So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader. Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says "This is the last time I ask earthling!" Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker". Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM! A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away. As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?" The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
Vote: has 63.12 % from 60 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, desert island, life, morbid, vulgar
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Vote: has 63.07 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, men, women
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman - then always be Batman
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill? A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: easter, life, men, money, Santa
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: divorce, doctor, life, relationship
Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated. But there is no cure for stupidity...
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, time, work


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