Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.