The best jokes about life

You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: college, life
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
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has 62.19 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: life
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years. While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed. He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck. Then he gets up and leaves the room. Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you." As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
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has 62.19 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
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has 62.17 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, life
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
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has 61.94 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
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has 61.92 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: life
Amazing unbelievable facts 1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died 2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute 3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday 4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: life
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life, political, stupid
Chuck Norris was born in a house he build himself.
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Too stupid to understand science? Try religion!
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life
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