Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live.
She chose last week and this week.
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like...
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital.
A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Do you know the joke of "no me neither"?
No.
Me neither.
Q: Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches Long?
A: Because if it will 12 inches then it will a foot.
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